Monday, December 26, 2005

The Face of Jesus

I know I am not alone on this one.

How many of you wonder what did Jesus REALLY look like?

How do I have an intense intimately spiritual relationship with Christ when I am totally clueless regarding how he appeared in His human form?

My earliest childhood memories are filled with the predominant image of Jesus in our home.

The Sacred Heart of Jesus:













My father had painted a portrait of the sacred heart of Jesus that was placed above our fireplace mantle. Everytime I played in front of the hearth, I just had to look up to see Christ with His exposed heart looking down on me.

My father's painting was much warmer in tones than the traditional rendition.

But, the face was neutral.

Was Jesus happy?

Was He sad?

As a child, I rather found the painting unsettling.

I mean... think about it. I gazed daily on the portrait of a healthy young man, with an expression on His face that was completely unrecognizable to me as a child. And most confusing of all was His heart just sitting there outside of His chest covered in thorns and glowing.


If my heart was hanging there outside my chest, I would be screaming.

I loved my Dad's paintings, but the whole effect was very intimidating to my young mind.

My other representation of Jesus appeared daily in the front of my classrooms. The crucifix. Christ on an instrument of torture. Defeated and dying... well, that's how it looked to me when I was a little girl.

There is a really old joke about Catholic school and the crucifix. It goes something like this:

A mother and father were completely dismayed because their son would not behave in public school. No matter what the teachers did and the threats laid out to him by his ever frustrated parents... the child would not behave.

So his parents decided to send him to the more disciplined neighborhood Catholic school.

And their son promptly obeyed his teachers.

Surprised by the overnight change in behavior, the parents asked their son why he decided now to behave.

And he explained: " They have this guy up on a cross in my classroom. They say His name is Jesus, He was a sinless man and that He is God's son. And I thought if God was willing to do that to His perfect son... what on earth will they do to me if I misbehave!!!???"

And I think... yeah... it was sort of like that when I was a kid too.

I was pretty much afraid of Jesus.

Images designed to inspire us, to help us connect with Jesus through knowing He had suffered ... well, that just frightened me as a kid.

And the whole thought of so much scariness put a big chasm between me and God.


God scared me.

Any compliance that God got from me was totally out of fear, not from a loving heart.

Many, many years later, while teaching third grade in a Catholic school, I happened upon an image of Christ that finally opened my mind to the reality that Jesus was loving.

There is this painting of Jesus coming upon the crest of a hill. The sun is shining on His back, he has a shepherd's staff in His one hand, and grasped closely to His chest in His other arm is a little lamb. Jesus has this look of joy on His face as he begins the journey down the hill to return the lost lamb to the flock.

That was a great year in my teaching career.


We had a little girl in the class who actually raised a lamb.

I posted the picture of Jesus in a little corner set aside for the children for quiet time and prayer. They could go there any time they felt the need to just be quiet, or to pray. I left that image for the children so that (unlike me) they could establish a relationship with Jesus that was not born of fear.

Getting back to the lamb.


We talked a lot about that picture and what the symbolism of a lost lamb meant for all of us.

I asked the little girl to tell us about lambs.

She said that her lamb followed her everywhere. And it would cry out whenever she was not near. It would not cross a path or go to the barn without her. It would immediately feel lost. It would wag its little tail whenever she returned.

She told this story much better than I can.


That is the eloquence of a child.

And to this day, I am grateful for a little 8 year old who introduced me to the face of Christ.

A lost lamb.


I can relate to that.

And having someone who loves you so much that they will look everywhere for you and hoist you into their strong arms to carry you back to safety... yes, that is what I have always wanted Jesus to be.

That is when I actually started to feel the connection.

I needed an image in my mind to build the bridge to Jesus.

But, there is more.

After more years passed, and I became more aware of the diversity of God's children... I realized that EVERY image that I have seen of Christ is caucasian.

I mean... what is up with that?

When the notion first hit me, I felt angry, cheated. How egocentric to paint Jesus as a white European guy.

But, then I finally realized that the artists (like myself) were trying to conjure up an image that they could connect to.


They were caucasian, so they made Jesus look caucasian.

That works for artists who were insulated from seeing peoples from all over the world, but what is the excuse for today's artists?

Here is an interesting composite from the BBC.





Computer Generated Jesus:






The artist utilized the skull of a man of the same region as Jesus from about 2,000 years ago.

This is what the guys from Jesus' hometown and era looked like.

You know what?

I can truly relate to this picture, more than any other to date.

I mean, I can imagine sitting down with him at a meal and listening. He looks approachable. He looks like everybody else. He doesn't glow in the dark, He has a face that looks capable of every human emotion. And the appearance is humble... it is 100% human.

Wasn't that God's intention?


That Jesus experience the complete human experience, so that God could connect with us and so that we could learn to connect with God?

I look at this computer generated picture and think... life may not have been easy for this fellow. He probably had all the triumphs and challenges that we all face in life.

And THAT more than anything else helps me to truly understand how magnificent the work of Jesus is.

Sure, if you know you are God's son and everybody is seeing you glow with haloes, and your clothes are always shiny white and pristine, and you look well fed, and your sandals fit, and you never look tired... well isn't that a bit too easy?

Knowing that Jesus was a guy, that he had to endure the human condition for real... NOW I feel a relationship with Jesus.

RELATIONSHIP.










PICTURE CREDITS:
The Sacred Heart of Jesus - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sacred_Heart
Computer Generated Jesus - http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/tv_and_radio/1243954.stm

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Meet the Author

I am going to have to ask all of you to be patient with me.

I am writing as one who is walking a spiritual journey.

I fall off the path everyday and struggle with the temptations that life tosses along the way. Once in a great while I have a small success, but more often than not, my life is quite imperfect.


I write as a traveler, not as an authority.

I write to make sense of this life.

I write because I can not ask these question from the leaders of my Catholic Church.


There is a Lauren Hill song that states: "You have to ask the questions to find the answers."
I don't know if any answers will be found in this endeavor, but I will ask many questions.
I am hoping for peace of mind.
I am hoping to meet the man named Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Son of Joseph and Mary, the son of God.
I know Jesus is not lost. I think He is often ignored, but definitely not lost.
I think WE get lost all the time because of all the noise in this world. And there are so many distractions in this life that we often ignore Jesus.
Quite simply, I want to know Jesus without having someone dictate to me how this most personal spiritual relationship should come about.
I have tried for over forty years to listen to the self-proclaimed experts, and they have succeeded in creating confusion for me... not clarity of mind.
I will offer a lot of opinons here.
They are my opinions unless otherwise stated.
That does not mean you have to agree with me.
Here is my opinion... each soul's spiritual journey is intensely intimate with the Divine.
First we are assigned teachers for the journey, and eventually there comes a time when we choose our teachers.
God provides our teachers through relationships, circumstance, and sometimes by coincidence.
So what's right for you, may not be right for me.
And, of course, what is right for me, may not work for you.
The intense relationship between each soul and the Divine is really not something to be defined in human terms.
In my opinion, we do a great deal of harm to others on their spiritual journey when we try to dictate to others without Divine inspiration.
My writing is not Divinely inspired... it is just the noise in my heart that is seeking a voice.
Please keep this in mind.

I am a human being... no more or no less.

I set a goal for my life when I was 19 years old.

I believe that my life's calling is to love and be loved.
In order to truly love, the way I want to love, I need to know Jesus.
Being a born and bred Catholic, I discovered very quickly after establishing this goal, that organized religion (in my case Catholicism) throws numerous barriers to learning and practicing unconditional love.

Really, even defining unconditional love for some of us Catholics is difficult because of all the head noise ingrained into us during our formative years of growing up Catholic.

Through many years of failure, stumblings, suffering, and once in a while an "AHA!" moment... I have been learning what unconditional love by learning what it is not.
And this is where my journey today will begin...
I know what is not of Jesus... I am pretty sure of that.
And so it begins...



Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Recognizing Evil

Evil feeds on chaos.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Your Eyes




Why sad, dearest friend?

Why do I feel sad

When you've blessed me with so much?

But there is one thing more... 

I want to see you.

I want to see your face...

your smile.


I want so much to live in your eyes.

I would see autumn leaves and cool green grass...

waterfalls and rainbows...

and miracles.

Dear friend,

there is nothing that I can not do


When it is done for you.

I long to see you.

Please let me live in your eyes.