#12 - What Are You Willing to Sacrifice?

A little over five years ago, I was working as a church organist and choir director at a rural Catholic church.



We had just been assigned a new pastor who had been born and raised in Poland. He did not come to the US until he was an adult.



I found the cultural differences to be confounding many times during my stay at that church.



One of Father's sermons, in particular, struck my mind this morning.



With passion he had asked our Sunday morning obligation bored parish, "Are you willing to die for what you believe in? Are you willing to die for Christ? Because someday that may happen."



WHOA!



That made a few eyelids snap awake.



DIE?!!


Are you serious?



I thought he was being a bit fanatical, but upon closer examination of this sermon throught the past few years... I can see where the passion came from.



Our pastor grew up in communist Poland.


Yeah... you might have to think about losing everything you cherish, including your life to stand up and be Catholic and follow Jesus in such a regime.


And that stuff still goes on in the world... even now:

BBC NEWS World Asia-Pacific China's Catholics: Far from Rome


China recently permitted a huge religious gathering of Buddhist monks (sans the Dalai Lama)... in an effort to show the world that they are more open minded than other nations think they are...



but, the reality is that if you are Catholic and living in China... 


your priest has to talk about contraceptives and Mao Zedong (Tse tung) flourishing forever in Heaven.



um.... that doesn't exactly "fit" with the foundations of Catholicism.



But, that is the only way that Catholic communities can publicly celebrate their faith in China.



Here's the clincher...



people in China organized an underground Catholic community that has secret connections to the Vatican.



The Chinese government is not too fond of the Vatican... they speak out about politics... a definite NO-NO in China.



Now here's the confusion for me.



I do not attend Mass regularly... like maybe twice this past year.



I surrendered all of that during the most recent hypocrisy over the pedophilia debacle bursting open like a malignant cancer throughout the heirarchy of the Catholic Church.



What exactly am I willing to sacrifice for my faith?



Would I be willing to give up my liberties to defend my Mother Church?



No.



Although, I strongly support those people in this world who are willing to do that.

If you had asked me a few years ago... I would have been one of them, but no longer.



More importantly, would I sacrifice in the name of Jesus?



Yes.



I can no longer allow an organization to define my relationship with God, but I am willing to defend my belief in Jesus.



But, not to the point where I would trample on the liberties (TRANSLATION: free will) of others.



I can not reconcile with the "My way or the highway" mode of Christianity.



And Catholics are big time proponents of this mode of thinking.



I can not deny being Catholic, either... I have just decided that.



And that is WHY I have had a real problem with the Catholic Church.



My whole "issue" started when my first marriage dissolved into a divorce.

I "had to" get an annulment.



Why?



I mean... how can you erase a sacrament?



The marriage was consecrated... I was there I KNOW it was.


How can a priest just take some money, fulfill a pretense of "counseling" prior to this bizarre ritual, and then same... TADA!... your marriage was null and void?



Yeah... as if?



My first marriage WAS annulled. My first husband wanted this. I did not block this procedure, but I certainly declined to participate.



And that freaky little whatever we can call it... ritual?



That is when my faith in the Catholic Church took a huge bonk on the noggin.



The cover-up of criminal priests doesn't help one bit either.



But, how would I behave if tomorrow our government said "You can not gather in public to celebrate the Mass." ?



You know... 


I would probably be the first one through the door and walking up to the altar for Communion.



So... I am confused.



My relationship with the Catholic Church is the longest relationship I have had with the exception of my family of origin... well, goodness, the Church was there from day one of my life.


Here I am 43 years old and I am starting to feel like a rebellious teenager in regards to the Catholic Church.



Good Grief.



And where is Jesus in all of this?



Lots of praying and thinking to do on all of this...